


Keeping Him Going

by NotLostAnymore



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Loneliness, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 17:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotLostAnymore/pseuds/NotLostAnymore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's back may be in the mud but his brain is somewhere else. It's with Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keeping Him Going

**Author's Note:**

  * For [captjkirks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/captjkirks/gifts).



> This is messy as fuck but whatever. It's for Beth cuz it's her birthday and she's awesome. I'm sorry this wasn't better.

When the cold nights crept in and he felt the chill against his skin and in his bones, Bucky began to think that it was all pointless. The war, the attempt at peace, just everything about the situation seemed hopeless. He was buried deep in the dirt of the ground, his face buried in the helmet as he prayed for some kind of warmth and some kind of meaning to it all.

It was nights like this that he thought about Steve. Nights when he thought that he couldn’t get through and only thinking of Steve would keep him steady, keep him going. 

He would think about what Steve would do if he was here. Skinny Steve with his big heart and his unrelenting dedication to the country they were fighting to protect. Skinny Steve with his dumb jokes and delusions that he could take Bucky in a fight. Skinny Steve with his smile that warmed Bucky’s heart like no other.

It was a weird feeling having a brother who wasn’t technically related to you but that was what they were. Steve felt more like a sibling to Bucky than his own sister did. Steve was always by his side while Becca was thousands of miles away, safe and sound at some boarding school. 

Except Steve wasn’t here now, he hadn’t been able to enlist. Bucky had had to go to war alone.

“Chin up,” Steve would say, grinning at him like they weren’t knee deep in mud and shit or like they weren’t at risk of being shelled at any moment. Steve was the optimism to Bucky’s pessimism and the other boy made it contagious until Bucky couldn’t help but believe him. He’d resist, of course, refusing to smile until Steve would nudge him just below the ribs where he knew Bucky was ticklish. He’d hold out for a few seconds at most before he’d squirm away, his face breaking out into an involuntary smile as he laughed. It was just the effect Steve had on him. The other boy knew him better than anyone did. He knew how to make Bucky smile when he was sad and how to be serious when all he wanted was to laugh his ass off. Steve kept him in line. He was Bucky’s rock.

“War’s almost over now I’m here,” he could hear Steve saying, the other boy’s optimism never dying. “I’ll be punching out Hitler in no time!” Bucky couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the thought. 

Steve had good intentions and Bucky knew that he wouldn’t shy down from a fight, but there was a part of him that was glad Steve wasn’t here. He didn’t want the thought of his brother in constant risk preying on his mind. If Steve was on the front lines with him, he’d be constantly worrying about his safety and he’d compromise his orders if only to protect his best friend. No, it was probably for the best that Steve wasn’t here. 

Didn’t stop Bucky from missing him like hell though. 

That was why Bucky didn’t stop fighting and just cave in on himself like so many other men had. He needed to fight so he could help end the war, so he could get back to his brother and tell him just how badly Bucky needed him. The other men said that war was hell but for Bucky, that wasn’t it at all. The idea of dying without telling Steve one last time that he was the best person Bucky had ever met was. That was why he was determined to get home.

When he opened his eyes and lifted up his helmet, Steve was gone. All Bucky had was the rain, the mud and the cold. Somehow it didn't feel too bad anymore because at least it all brought him one day closer to seeing his brother again.


End file.
